Death...An essence of LIFE....

And you thought I was dead already..????  I have not updated my blog since 3 months..For me it seems forever..I have not done since i have started to write my blogss..But off late, things had not been promising..There was too much of happening on  the professional front, personal and social ..And i was so caught in the mayhem of everything that left me almost breathless
Thank you friends, you have been kind enough to visit my blogs regularly and some of you confessed to have missing me ..:P (or my blogs..;)) Anyhow!! i loved the compliments and affection from u people that I unburden myself  to connect with wide range of people who love me and  even love to hate me..!!

Life is so fickle..As fickle as everything else in this world..You crack open an egg, a life is destroyed .Yeah ..life changes in such simple strokes which ends everyday, every minute of our lives..
M Says I think about Death too much, too often, But wats wrong??? Isn't it is the only thing that is defined and definite in this indefinable fickle life???

I dont even know if I am going to get that elusive job..I dont even know If I am going to be able to achieve everything or anything in my wish list..!! I dont know anything, except THE END
They say Reading a book becomes boring if you know the end. But Life is one such book, where we all know the end, but still the next chapter is mystery.Because even though we know the end, we donot know which of the strokes is going to end our life..

I dont know how I will "go" .I fear the day because I dont know what awaits me..I even dont know how many of you are going to miss me..!! I am just imaging that if I am able to watch you guys!!(like they show the dead peoples in whites in the movies..)) I would be really sad to watch any of you cry..but i know, it would definitely give me some grim satisfaction of being loved and appreciated..

But what I would definitely LOVE is all of you remembering me with smiles on your faces..(and not tears in your eyes) and to know How I touched a little part of your life and made it special(if I did) And i would love you all remembering me every now and then, and not just get away saying your usual RIPs ..I will be a demanding ghost . if I may call myself that!

M will be little mad after reading this post..Might even consider taking me to a shrink for a pyschic help!!. lol..:D But what the hell..!!Life  is too short for having regrets..I dont know what the next moment is gonna cost me..But i just wanted to have this little heart-to heart with all of you before I 'GO"....

P.S. They say Earth is the hell for people on another planet!!

Of gifts, heartbreaks and thesis!!

Huh..a state of saturation..a state of disappointment ...A state unexpressed!!

oh God!! why did i joined Mtech..!!!

kaash MBA hi kar lia hota..:P :P

This is wat I and Mariam feeling since last couple of week..

Agitated over this "Dissertation" thing..!! I wanted to give rest to my mind!! God someone please light my mind with a candle ..(meri dimaag ki batti jala do koi tohhhh!!..))

And so what if I was gifted a "pepper spray" by my beloved Dad on this women's day??? My two besties made up for it one gifting me an absolutely gorgeous dress from Mango and other one gifting me an elegant slippers from Puma..And thats the reason God made friends!! They never fail to take u out of dumps..don't they?? Thank you both of you for the awesome gifts..And yeah i'll keep my promise..When you are here..I am going to wear both , get clicked crazy and will land the photos on my blog..!! pinky promise..;) :p ;)

On a totally unrelated note, a very close friend went through a breakup.Until now , I thought breakups were ugly and a trip to hell..Only this time I realized it is even worse than that..How it is hard for someone to let  go of another..!!..(hmm...wait let me play my favourite song on the background..:))) that some one whom you loved with all your heart, pinned all your hopes. you never even noticed or thought that things will start going downhill..It must be worse thinking about in your head again n again and not getting any answers...Why dint he/she understand enough??

And there is A whole "news" about ur breakup  that spreads like wildfire and you actually have to give explanations to everyone that heart breaking stuff, every single time and then the old memories to deal with..the gifts, the roses ,your favourite songs, your favorite restaurant, hangouts and so on!

And the big question of all times!! --to be friends with ur ex or not??and that depends on how the break up went..

To get out of a breakup is an immense task.Almost a miracle.It changes a person..To move on- is not at all easy..There is whole lot of data backup in your memory processor.you would wish to crash it without any recovery..Since that doesnot happen .you hide pain, put on a fake smile and move forward..Until one day a friend makes you realize that it all happened for a reason!..the heart break, the pain , the anger and remorse-those were God's ways of turning you in right direction to a right person!!

This post is dedicated to "him" who is going to all this and many more..still rocking where it matters! sTill twisting life by its horns!! still retaining that zeal and passion for love..

The post is also dedicated to all those who have gone through this ugly feeling and triumphed over it!!

To all those who never had to go through breakup and are thankful for it..!!

ufffffffff....!! phirse yaad aagya ki thesis likhni hai...:P :P

byee!!..take care

cheers!!! to life..:)

MY UNDERSTANDING OF MEN AND WOMEN....

• A woman will not expect a man to impress her , but she expects him to try!
• Woman fantasize more than man!
• A woman doesnot relate to why his palm sized techy gadget  should cost a worth but expects him to understand that one single pea sized diamond is worth it.
• A woman wants you to tell the truth when she says" tell me honestly" and later wishes she would not have asked you in the first place.
• She may spend her better years professing how she wants  X-Y-Z qualities in her man and also proudly declare in the same breath how she always fall for an opposite
• She knows there is no "happily ever after" but pines for Prince Charming to come along
• A woman expects her man to share all her work tensions with her but doesnot expect her to remember when questioned later.
• Most women are more in love with the idea of being in love than a person.
• A woman may speak for hours and then end by saying "I some how find it difficult to express what i really feel".
• You would hear this more often from a women's mouth " something is missing in my life/ I dont feel good inside today but don't ask me why", when she knows what and why
• Women would like you to open doors of restaurants for her and pull the chair for her before they rest their *cute butts* :P on it, but would throw a tantrum of equality when u say "It's not a women job..:)
• When they say "I am in bad mood and want to be left alone" they actually want ur company the most..
• Most women can handle alcohol, men and women better than men
• The speed with which women's says "Nothing" when asked "what's wrong" is inversely propotional to shitstorm that is coming..
• She dresses less for herself and more for others..
• Women use their smiles to get away with ANYthing..
• When she is in her teens the older men are always more appealing , and when she gets little  old , the youngsters are so bloody hot..:P
• Women are of three kinds..: high maintenance, low maintenance,  and those who think they are low maintenance but actually high maintenance..*** thanku Billy Crystal for ths superb quote***
• Women may age in their bodies but never n their minds..

Now the man's point of view

• A man knows his wife will never agree for threesome but he believes yes "miracles do happen"
• A man always like options..
• A man has better traffic sense but poorer sixth sense..
• A man may want to bed a woman but not wed her and the one he weds is not always the one he beds..
• Men are better flirts than women..
• Watching telivision is the greatest stress buster  and porn is the God's gift to mankind..:P
• Men use alcohol as a reason and justification for making passes.They always test the water before wadding in..
• Contrary to the popular myth..Most men talks more than most women and listen lesser..
• For the man, relationship is on rocks , only when that three letter word decreases..
• A man loves compliment just as women does..
• Men get better with age..** now dont ask me in what sense**
• A man would crave for a woman till she is a chase and when she ceases to be one, he goes in a haze..Hard to get are always harder to forget..
• A man would really not talk to his woman on phone while n the work space, but when she stops calling on him there, he would wonder what is wrong
• He would mock at gatherings About how women love to gossip, but after the party, he would corner his woman like an interrogation about who rules the gossip-vines and how..
• A man would not mind ogling at other women but gets all " saala, kutta kamina" when someone eyes his women..
• For men, some sex is good, more is better and too much is just all right..

That is about it from two + decades of dealing with both the sexes, in different measures of course! happy gender dealing..:))

Being a WOMAN

I have done   Being a man   post long ago
And had thought about doing this post soon after..But somehow it didn't happen..Majorily for the reason that          
women are too versatile to be taken up completely under a single post..And so I never got arund to it..But off late there have been so many things happening arund.., things that I have gone through myself..things that my friends are going through and it doesnot make any sense..Or i it only me..??And opposed t the funny man, this Woman is pretty serious..

There are couple of my female friends including me who have apparently turned into "marriageable age" according to the parents..The girls including me believe otherwise..They are pretty happy with their single status and no-responsibility-for-a-while-life..Quite visibly the parents and daughters are of different opinion here..But what completely evades my sane mind is why the parents choice to convince their daughter of their own opinion in almost abhorring way..And no I am not talking of some remote village , but about parents who always instilled confidence in their daughters that they were no less than a boy, had every right to good education, were bought up to be smart, confidence.And suddenly these parents wonder about the fate of their girls if they were not married at ripe age..What would Society say??? "kya kahenge log"?? They purposefully make her believe that she is indeed a burden on their shoulders until she goes off to her maritial home bcoz 21+ is a valid age ..in our country to get married..:( and who Am I???? to question like this..??
Do the girls have no choice of their own at all..??She can do everything like a boy and still be a responsibility..??I some times wonder how a stranger is ever going to treat your daughter as an equal when you so visibly donot..???

I have another couple of my friends that have that someone special in their lives but are finding it difficult to convince their parents of their own..Now again I wont start with a debate on ARRANGE VERSUS LOVE MARRIAGE As things work different for different people..But what I clearly find distasteful is the way the parents want to stick to conventional way of Arrange marriages wherein they are made to act like ladkiwaala whose sole job is to appease ladkewala's demands..The girls of ur generatin has been brought up with a mindset of boy-girl equality and no dowry policy..After all appeasing the groom's family is the norm?? is nt??
Are you really desperate to get your girl off your back  that you are ready to pay any amount of money ang goodies to stranger to make way for her into their homes and lives..?

I feel sorry for girls who have been relegated to such behaviours..but i feel worst when I see parents doing it to their "love you till death" "ghar ki izzat" daughters..I know we have come far from those days when girls were not allowed to study nor do anything of their on-free will..But it is really worrying to see parents who let their daughters go so far and suddenly  want to go all traditional when it comes to marriage  and even expect the daughters to do a complete U-turn from their beliefs and conform to whims and fancies of a stranger and his family..

It would be understatement if I would say A women's life is tough!! It was perhaps my naivety that I thought that girls were mented out an equal treatment in today's world..Have you ever imagined  what a girl would feel like when she is made to believe that she is only the responsibility to her parents..??? Yes I have felt that feeling..:'( :'( And when she does get married , she is always the outsider in a husband's family..Is there nobody she can actually call her own..?????????? Somebody who would love her for her person and not just doll her up so that it would be easy to get rid of her , the burden that she is..?? For no reason they say "charity begins at home"

More than anger, I feel frustated, extremely saddened And lonely today!!
And perhaps that the reason why some people feel sad at birth of a daughter..Because they understand apart  from fighting the demons of eve teasing , she will also have to face the trauma of being a burden on either her family or her husband..and she still feels she belongs to none in this world..


QUOTING a few lines from one of my favourite book "gone with wind"gifted by M that sum up what I feel about woman's life and apparently my own life..
"Her life was not easy, nor was she happy, but she didnot expect  life to be easy  and if it was not happy , that was a woman's lot..It was a man's world  and she accepted it as much..The man owned the property and she managed it..The man took credit for the management and the woman praised his cleverness..The man roared like a bull when splinter was in his finger , and the woman muffled the moans of childbirth, lest she disturb him..Men were rude and outspoken, women were always kind, gracious and forgiving

BAD FRIENDSHIPPPSSSSSS

HOW many lessons would you learn Chetu, before learning that "last lesson" from life..??? asked DH consoling me over my latest issue..She further added to my point that.."A gem is only a gem if people handle it carefully..once a gem gives others a chance to handle itself like a stone.., it looses the value..atleast grow up now...enough of the lessons learnt, take the teachings Chetu and move on!!!!

I wanted to explain DH now where was I wrong.????? If my friends ditch me then where is my fault.??.its their bad luck not mines..,...yes becoz gems are always gems and everybody cannot aford it..:-)) I further wanted to add an inspiring line said by BABA" agar hum sab kuch pehle se jaante to jeene ki kala kaise seekhte...????
but furious Dh didnt gave me a single chance to explain myself..her blood boils when I tell my same ditching stories again and again!! yet she has no other option to shake me over the phone and say" WAKE UP"  chetu and I again goes into that same tunnel of darkness and fooled by some one else yet again!!!

Relationships are great boosters and bummers..They help you bloom and can cause you to wither..whom we choose to walk by our side depend on our  quantum of peace and content..It is said we can't choose our relation..we are born with them..But then we can choose our friends-people who stick with us through thick and thin or we hope so!
I beg to differ..we don't choose nothing!!
It is all bloody-crap!
It is "they" who choose us !victims never walk up to the hunters to be slaughtered...we are caught at our unawares!

It is not that we conspire our friendships for give-and-take..it is not the quantity or frequency of communicaton either that we look out for..it is the quantity of assosiation being meaningful on both sides ..we crave and pine for friends like on the series friends.. a telivision show..but then it is all a wishful thinking!!
If you are lucky true-friendship glows on you and if not, which is genearlly the case..you continue to degrade and rote under the false shade of solace..and by the the time you realize it, the damage is already done!!

BAD FRIENDSHIPS are just that- bad!!
for your body, mind and soul..
jUst like BAD-LOVE that jeopardise your chances of falling upon the right guy to fall in love with...similarly BAD-FRIENDS block your chances of experimenting with truth..they leave u in doubts when u suspect intensions and jump to insane conclusions..they make your premises shaky..they cramp you with so much of themselves that you feel there is not much in you - and your think 100000's times before making a new friend..or trusting some right one!
 We all go through "bad friendships" whether we are strong enough to  admit or not...and some lucky ones goes through GOOD FRIENDSHIPS (my own post.. now see the contradiction)..

Get rid of them..uproot them..remove all traces and signs of existence..start considering they are "dead " for you..block all doors that may tempt you to return back once you give-in..realize your worth and to what lows there is the possibility of that"friend" talking to you..It is rightly said we invite troubles..-yes we do..we are humans..I may have a "use -me" tag attached to me or bloody engraved on my forehead..I may also have an expression that says "kill-me" because I dont want to face on deception again and again..
AH..dont let that human laws deter you..when you disregrad the basic laws of humanity..

Yup..!! " Bad friendships "are bad they go deep in you..while you are least aware..and just when you begin to realize- it's depth..it goes whoosh..leaving a vaccum then and there!!
Let me not create more black-holes..let me be more cautious of whom I let in despite the continous knocks on my head and doors!!!

P.S. Again thank you Amity University for a variety of experiences and people..You changed my premises for the word "friendship"..:-))

A year that was....

I look back at the year gone by..And unlike all the years gone by, atleast for this one I cant say tha it passed by majorily because of so many happenings enthralling me and people surrounding me..:-))

The year started on a hugely  contemplative note..as I was full of anxeity, fear, joy ,excitement on my best friend's G impending marriage with S..A love story with an " happy endings" . For G it was a dream about to come true..And the dream is still as beautiful..She had lived , enjoyed every moment with S .ever since fate and destiny  joined them together, G has gained a lot of love weight too.!!! lol.. G i know u are going to rip me apart  through skype seeing this ..
P.S.     G  and S have now shifted to U.S for a year and i miss them both badly..My wish for you two in 2013 is may I  be entilted with the  moniker of " massi" this year..:)) * best wishes*    :* :*

The news of Baby boy V on the same month made me high on spirits..D was happy and glad and equally was I..Though it is now an year completed and I havn't still met V. But yes!! his photos drive me crazy and with each passing day I am going desperate to see him...
P.S  V grow up soon, for  your two massis D and C are curious to play with you..:))

 Before it ends The month of January spurred me with the everlasting memories MTC CAMP . A week long camp is worth to be mentioned giving me an experience of  adventurous stuff like rock climbing, zorbing, para glaiding , cold nights, chits chats ..In all it was all fun..
P.S  Thank you Amity University for a memory like camp, there should be more trips like this..Thank u A for the pics you clicked..thank u S for being my comrade.

AND after years lying  Dormant in my head or in my drafts folder my stories and thought found a place in the blog and much to my surprise , struck a chord or two with some real writers too..I was praised, flattered and  
encouraged for my blogs.
P.S   people started loving my blogs though i always wanted that they should love me..:P ;)

The festival of colors brought a new color in my life..And I got a new lease of life for I warded off all the past memories..

In June, the month of holidays ,we travelled A part of Kashmir and two beautiful Hill stations in Himachal Pradesh that was situated 6000ft above the sea level..The journey itself  was  more beautiful than place..For me I was little scary as I am afraid of heights..We had left sweltering Lucknow and reached Khajjiar where we were scampering for sweaters..Heaven!! it was a scenic place and basically to- die for weather!!..Spent the day in sight seeing and in night enjoying the cold weather in blankets with hot ginger-tea and gorged on some good food..:))


Met my most special and old buddy D after a span of 6 months..Enjoyed, roamed around the day, visiting our old joints, hang outs,  momos, gossiping with Aunty  , discussing whatever happened in the mid time when we were away from each other..reminiscing old days..it was pure unadulterated fun

Completed 24 years of age with my Parents and relatives complaining that I have now turned into marriageable age according to them..PHEWWWWWW!! the word "marriage" generates too many emotions in me ...For all those who missed can check it out by clicking on the link  my birthday ..

My family was shuddered at a  sudden demise of my dearly Maamu who was suffering from cancer.
In addition Some real stalwarts like Rajesh khanna, Yash Chopra, Jaspal Bhatty, Neil Armstrong , left this world a lot poorer in 2012..
P.S  may you all rest in peace..!!

My dearly mom and beloved Dad celebrate 25 years of togetherness!!..with Cupid showering blessing on them, sharing each other joys, sorrows, tears and pain during this era of 25 years..:-))
P.S  love you both miles to go!! together   :-))

And yes you got it right,! I a not going to talk about scams, bomb blasts, petrol hikes, and Lokpal  that never saw the light of the day..

The last two months taught me so many lessons, the lessons of life including..
If your people dont talk to you , it is their bad luck, bcoz gems are gems and every body  cant afford them,by A old btech friend S qouted consoling me ,
"Never trust anyone easily" inspired by Senior K.
Donot give anyone a chance to watch your sufferings says R mam

And before it ends I smiled , I laughed, I cried.  I fought ,I gained, I lossed, I missed,I promised, I kissed, I hugged I enjoyed, I lived every moment of the year 2012..even though i Half heartedly waited for the doomsday  too..:P ..lol..may be posponed..

made many new friends , hope the friendship continues for ever..
And yesss! yess!! before the year ends I and K, was blessed with a new mobile " Samsung Galaxy"
I hope you all had a great year too..and better things are stored for all of us in 2013..I wish we all reach to the pinnacles of success in life, personally, professionally and spiritually..May all those who work hard and strive for a better life , get it!!

My wishlist for 2013
Atleast One of us succumb to the wants of our parents..hahahaha..i mean get married from our gang of FIVE( 5,8,14,16,25) :))
May I and my MTECH friends striving for a bright career get a good job...:))
May I get settled as soon as possible
May we always have a  reason to smile and laugh
Waiting for my cousin's S, M marriage
May I trust myself more rather than trusting people..
May Dad gift me a Apple -IPAD before Holi
May we have more family, friends trips and fun!!

MAY 2013 BE HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS FOR EVERYONE